REFLECTING ON WHAT REAL SUCCESS IS

Someone I hold very dear recently wrote to me about her refusal to go by the cultural standard in America to must pretend always to be successful, that we, our lives and work are in great shape and failure nowhere in sight.

Failure is intrinsic to human life and we tend to forget that in a competitive society.

My friend's statement prompted me to question my own ideas of what success is. To what standards do I hold myself? Who selected them? What does it mean to succeed in life? Are the values of our culture, my values? What do I consider success to be?

The idea of success and having standards seems inextricable. A person who is truly successful has standards. Likewise, someone without standards can't be successful, not in the long run. That individual may appear successful to others, even themselves, but without standards, they are empty and will probably be unhappy and dissatisfied always with what they do have, and in their final days and hours, they will probably rue their lack of standards rather than celebrate it. 

In these times, we must be the heroes of our own lives, which means setting standards to abide by--in our work, and most importantly, in how we treat and relate to one another and ourselves, which always reflects outward.

From this standpoint, having a lot of everything does not necessarily mean a lot or make us successful. Which seems obvious, but apparently isn't. Being a billionaire does not necessarily mean you are also a great or even fine human being. What does having all the money in the world matter if all you care about is using it to feed your own pleasures and ego? You don't take accolades with you when you die, or a Nobel Peace Prize, or a mansion, or a beautiful body. And definitely not money. The only collateral that will be worth anything then is the imprint of how we treated others while we lived. 

All other attributes aside, including having money, how we treated others will more than likely be the main way we are remembered.

Since the 1970s Bhutan has gauged the happiness of his people not by Gross Domestic Product (GDP), with which most nations are familiar, but by its Gross National Happiness (GNH), a more holistic way. Imagine placing care as a national priority, eradicating apathy and all it leads to--hatred, condemnation, discrimination, racism, sexism, all the ugly -isms we are dealing with now in this country, where people are hurting and lacking acceptance of themselves and others.

In these times, being a good human being seems revolutionary, going against the tide. There is so much negativity and toxicity in the world feeding nature and its beings. There's a lot of work to be done. We have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps of our humanity, kindness and decency and make the wellness of others a priority. 

St. Francis's Prayer for Peace, one of the most beautiful prayers in the world, includes a word about this in its last section, reminding us "for it is in giving that we receive." 

That's true. Look around. Selfish people are not generally happy people while those who are generous and kind usually brim with joy.

https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/resource/55030/peace-prayer-of-st-francis-of-assisi



This photo is from May 25, 1986, the day millions of strangers across America reached out to one another by holding hands from New York to California, across cities, towns and plains. More than 6.6 million people took part in this, making a living chain, one hand at a time. We can do it again, metaphorically, if not actually. 

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