IN THE FIRE

California is burning. The world is on fire, with wars and suffering everywhere, and one wonders, has it ever been so bad, and what am I supposed to do? 

What am I supposed to do is a question I ask myself daily as a concerned human being on the planet and as a poet and writer. The current status of Mother Earth and of the nation feel virtually paralyzing. We are undergoing a big fire of change.

So, what to do.

As an American Red Cross volunteer disaster caseworker, I am mulling the possibilities of "deploying" to L.A., even as the situation there worsens with winds picking up, more homes being decimated and more human and animal bodies being uncovered even as I type this. Trauma abounds among those who have lost loves ones and homes and among helpers too, whose empathy in the midst of this chaos can feel like a perpetual shared wound. 

On top of that, some of us always feel we can never do enough. 

One side of me tells myself, helping Californians in this instance will be inhumanly taxing, sometimes involving 15-hour shifts with no reprieve, which will be exhausting beyond my ability to cope. I probably will not be able to sleep, as I have enough trouble with that even on stress-free nights. I will be confronted with constant tears, anger and frustration and will have to stifle most of my own. My critical and perfectionistic side will rear its ugly head even as I recognize how virtually impossible it will be for me to do everything that's required of me perfectly. At the end of the marathon minimum of two weeks ARC would require of me, would I feel mostly critical or gratified at my efforts? The reward is in having done the best you can; the rest really doesn't matter--that much I know.

What to do. 

A wise friend recently reminded me of the maxim that small gestures make all the difference. Maybe one of the key problems in this world--alongside greed and indifference-- is that too many people are vying to make a big difference. I must remind myself that those who have made the biggest difference throughout history happened upon the moment. It is rarely created and more often than not, encountered, as life provides the opportunities and lessons.

For now, I'm open to the possibilities--will continue humbly to do the small things I can to make life a little easier for those around me. At the same time, if the situation arises that I am called to bigger steps and action, I will not hesitate to accept the challenge, taking it a step at a time, reminding myself each moment I am in the fire of that rare opportunity and of the grace that has allowed me to be there.


                                                                                Photo by Arya F. Jenkins



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